Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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