Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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