yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
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You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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