saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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