NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
