I am puke
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
MIDGETS
????
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
