nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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