My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
