Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
