I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
