I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
