your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
