I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
