Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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