Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
