My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
