he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
