So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize