I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
