it was like eating out sand paper
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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