Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
