i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize