Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
