dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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