I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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