Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize