Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
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Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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