Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
