we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
