can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
