Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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