Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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