So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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