did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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