Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
