is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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