You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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