I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
