it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
