I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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