I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
