Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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