how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am spending my child support on dildos
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
