Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
