That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
