Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
