3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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