What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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