I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
