So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
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he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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