My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i've created a new STD.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
