i wish my penis had a tongue
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
