my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
