Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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