Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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