Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
