And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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