So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
