What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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