Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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