the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So vagazzling was a success
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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