um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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