Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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